


Sometimes

by Gabester_tricks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Everything is pretty much canon, One-Shot, jess is dead, season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabester_tricks/pseuds/Gabester_tricks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Sam wonders how it all might have worked out. </p><p>If Dad never went missing.  If Dean never came to Stanford asking for help.  If he never agreed to go away for the weekend. </p><p>If Jess never died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes

Sometimes Sam wonders how it all might have worked out.

 

If Dad never went missing.  If Dean never came to Stanford asking for help.  If he never agreed to go away for the weekend.

 

If Jess never died.

 

He usually thinks about this during the long hours of the day riding shotgun in the Impala, Led Zeppelin blasting far too loud for him to properly nap.

 

Sometimes, when Sam stares at the seemingly endless rolling hills and fields, he thinks he can see her.  Only for a brief moment or two, because when he blinks in surprise, the vision is long gone.

 

It's been years since her death, and with the apocalypse looming ever closer, with Lucifer appearing in her visage as a sharp reminder to his mistakes, he can't bring himself to think about it.  About what could have been.  If he had just taken heed of his nightmares-

 

He still dreams about her.  Not as frequently as before, but it does happen.  They're not nightmares.  They're happy dreams, full of a life he will never get to live.  Living in a cozy house, being a lawyer.  A shaggy golden retriever bounding towards him, a beautiful girl with golden curls and a bright smile laughing beside him with no care in the world.

 

November 2nd arrives quickly and silently, neither brother wanting to talk about any of it.  Bobby told them there was a case in Kentucky they should check out.  Demons, probably. Sam stays silent when he notices Dean taking an exit to Lawrence. And in return, Dean says nothing when they pull up to the cemetery, when his hand lingers over their parents' names.

 

Sometimes Sam keeps the ring in his pocket.  For good luck, he supposes.  He saved up seven months of collected tips he earned waitering to buy her the perfect one.

 

They're checking into a motel when Dean tells him.  They're running low on cash.  Of course, they still have their fake credit cards, and some leftover money from hustling pool, but it's becoming harder and harder for them to keep doing it.  It's not enough anymore.

 

Sam holds the ring in his hand, gently caresses the small engraving with his finger. _You keep my demons away_ , it says.

 

He knows other people think the engraving is unbelievably corny; he doesn't care.  Even though she might have never fully understood the dark irony of this sentiment, he knew deep down that it was the cold, hard truth.  She was his picket fence, the promise of a new, better life.  His purpose.

 

Tears threaten to fall, but he keeps it in.  He knows what he has to do.

 

The ring doesn't sell for nearly as much as what he had paid for.  Or what it's worth.  Dean doesn't ask where he got the money from but simply accepts it and packs it away.

 

Sometimes, Sam just wishes it was all over.

 


End file.
